The Crushers: Beverly and Wesley

In an effort to educate* the masses about TNG it's only right to give some character overviews. Let's begin with the Enterprise's first family: Doctor Beverly Crusher and her son, Wesley. There couldn't be a more 1980s sounding pair of names than Beverly and Wesley - and I eat it up, people, I really do.

Doctor Beverly Crusher



As the Chief Medical Officer for the USS Enterprise Dr. Crusher is tasked with keeping the health of the entire crew in tip top shape, and also solving any medical mystery space has to offer. Solving space medical mysteries seems like it should involve a team of at least fifteen people. Though - she does have what looks like a Game Boy device she uses to solve just about every problem that comes across her path. She just waves that machine around and TA-DA! problem solved. Maybe this Game Boy is all the team she needs.

Doc.Bev.Crush. also has somewhat of a history with Capt. Jean-Luc Picard - or at least this is what it seems like from Episode 1. See, JLP brought back DBC's husband's body after he died.....doing something heroic I assume? JLP and DBC make eyes at each other throughout Episode 1, then have a deep conversation about how they will be working together and is that all right?

Get to the meat, TNG. Get to it! I want the juicy details of the torrid affair JLP and DBC had, how JLP is Wesley's real father.....that last part isn't true Neither is the torrid affair between Jean-Luc and Beverly, I mean, maybe it is. I don't know. JLP could also be Wesley's real father - that would be some soap opera style TWISTS! I yearn....I yearn for this.

In summation: Dr. Crusher is a single Doctor Mom on a space boat with a teenage son.

Wesley Crusher

The youthful addition to the group - I'm sure thrown in to get those teenage girls to tune in to TNG. Good thinking, producers, good thinking.



I mean, damn, check out that sweater. *bites knuckles*

At this point, all I know about Wesley is he is a youthful heart throb with a penchant for space exploration. He is always yammering on about how he wants to go onto the bridge, but alas, the Captain will not allow it. Wesley sad.

He enjoys science and walking around the ship.



Ah, The Crushers: tugging at the heartstrings of the viewing audience since 1987.



*By "educate" I mean not educate.

Season 1, Episode 1: Encounter at Farpoint Pt. 1

Diet Coke: Check. Triscuits: Check. Laser Focus for Episode 1, Season 1 of Star Trek: The Next Generation: Check.

Let's do this.



This is Episode 1 of Season 1, and it was a doozy. Not only do they pack in backstory on the characters, but they have multiple plots and love interests. I'm exhausted after watching it - I had to break for a DC in the middle of the episode and gather my thoughts. It is entirely too much to give full character recaps in this post, but I promise to give a rundown on all characters as the episodes progress. Especially when Guinan hits the scene - Whoopi in the house!

Let's just get this out in the open before it get's awkward: Jean Luc Picard is the man. I badly want to write a euphemism about him captaining my ship......but I'll refrain. Let's also note that his pectoral muscles are clearly visible from under his one-piece space uniform.

JLP lovefest aside, one of the first characters we are introduced to is Counselor Deanna Troi. She is seated to the left of JLP - is that symbolism? I'm tired. I couldn't tell you what symbolism is if it was seated in the passenger seat of my Prius. The only thing I can say about DT is that I'm blown away at the sheer size of her hair.



This is a forgiving photo - trust me, this hair could have it's own sub-plot on the show.

Continuing on my journey, we are then introduced to Blonde Crew Member Who I Don't Care About and Is So Annoying She Could Literally Be Killed In The Next 5 Minutes and I Wouldn't Blink Twice ("Blondie" for short). Immediately I notice she has my mom's haircut from 1991. As much love as I have for my mom, this haircut is horrid. She looks like Jonathan Brandis circa Ladybugs. If I had any sort of computer skills I would insert a side-by-side of JB and Blondie below, but you'll have to settle for only Blondie.



I love how the guy in the background is like, "Shuuuuut upp. Always runnin' your mouth..."

I FEEL YOU, GUY IN BACKGROUND, I FEEL YOU.

Conflict in the form of "Q" - an alien life form - makes it's way aboard the Enterprise, and that's when the party gets started. Also, this is when I start to have an irrational annoyance with Blondie. It starts when Q enters the deck and starts to spout off about the savage human race, and Blondie flies off the handle for no reason. JLP, Data, DT, even Worf are calm and collected. But not Blondie. She provides all fodder necessary for PMS jokes.

Q launches into a speech about how the Enterprise needs to turn around and leave this part of the universe, or they will pay the consequences (i.e. die). I'd be all fearful and stuff, except for the fact that he is wearing this:



Then he shape-shifts, and is wearing this:



Q, you got some humor happening on your face.

Q demands the Enterprise leaves this unknown of the universe, to which, JLP refuses. Q leaves saying some cryptic last words....and BAM! the Enterprise sets off on a warp-speed chase across the universe to escape the clutches of Q the Hilarious Shape Shifter.

The whole time the conflict is happening, Deanna Troi is wearing this and pretending to be important (sorry, this is the best shot I could get to drive the point home of how ridiculous her outfit is):



I guarantee you her butt cheeks are bare on that leather captain's chair. (That is the best rap song lyric of all time, "Butt-cheeks bare, on that leather captain's chair") - BUT SERIOUSLY NO CREW MEMBER OF ANYTHING, ANYWHERE SHOULD WEAR A DRESS THAT IS THAT SHORT WHEN YOU SIT. Data, you are lookin good.

During this chase scene between the Enterprise and the Q-Crew (again, a great rap group name - am I in the wrong business?) the crew of the Enterprise is calm and collected. I'm sorry - everyone, except for Blondie. Literally everyone else is sitting in their chairs, breathing normally, talking in monotone, playing Word with Friends on the iPhone, having a glass of wine, and yet Blondie is yelling updates to JLP:

"HOSTILE'S VELOCITY IS AT 9.7 SIRRR!!!!!!!"

Calm. Down. Take a page from the diary of JLP - calm yourself until yelling is absolutely necessary for the situation.

This part of the episode is the most dramatic. Or, they definitely want us to believe it is the most dramatic. The theme music was blaring so loudly during this chase scene I could barely hear the dialogue. It's like the producers were like, "MORE THEME MUSIC! MORE! MOOOOORE!!!" the whole time.

Ultimately the Enterprise loses said chase and surrender to the Q-Crew, where the main Enterprise crew is put on trial for "Crimes of the Savage Human Race." This trial takes place on board the Q ship, where the trial setting looks like a medieval execution (complete with toothless people and bloomers). Needless to say the Q-Crew has made their ship resemble this setting for sheer fear factor.

Also, these guys are there:



Data, Blondie, JLP, and DT are all on trial and are waiting for the judge to make his way to explain what will happen. Guess who shows up?

Maleficent!


....actually it's just Q pretending to be Maleficent pretending to be a futuristic Judge.

Of course, Blondie, in her infinite wisdom, begins to yell/cry/overact at Q and demand a fair and just trial. She is severely out of order. Q ain't havin none of this, and rightly freezes Blondie USING ONLY HIS EYES.



I am happy about this. Q will be my future husband. Q can father my children. Q can put me on trial.

JLP tries to reason with Q but he is having none of it. The crew is then given a test - to be performed at a date yet known - to prove their innocence. This test is not explained to the crew, but it is very ominous and scary......then the crew is sent out on their merry way back to their ship. Whew - that was scary, guys!

ENTER THE RIKER.



You guys - I had no idea there was a time in life when Riker was sans-beard. I haven't fully formed an opinion of this yet. I am still digesting his cheeks. Check back with me in a few episodes.

Lt. Comm. William Riker is sent to the Enterprise to be JLP's Number 1. His record is fantastic, his jawbone is chiseled, and he has been spending the last few days on Farpoint Station (a space station on a planet) forming suspicions about many-a-thing.

JLP needs to test Riker's ability before he accepts him as his BFF. So, he does the only logical thing: Riker must manually dock the "saucer" (the round part of the USS Enterprise ship) to the body of the ship (the part of the ship that looks like a cruise liner). Apparently this is quite dramatic, because the music gets serious and the crew is worried:



Or, at least that's about as worried as Data can look. Blondie is clearly worried - but what's new.

RIKER DOES IT! Cue relief music! Cue everyone being happy!



He's so proud.

After this test has been passed by Riker, JLP and him are pals.

JLP, I will dock your ship. IT'S SO EASY FOLKS.

I apologize, I've forgotten a very important person who was introduced in this episode. It's just, there is so much happening! From the Q story, to the Riker story, to the Deanna Troi's butt story, I can't keep up.

Ladies and Gentlemen, Lt. Geordi La Forge:



Did anyone else put their headband on their eyes and pretend to be Geordi as a kid? I would also sing the Reading Rainbow theme song whilst wearing said headband on eyes. The only common denominator there is LeVar Burton - I was a smart child.

Geordi stays in the background most of this episode, but I couldn't leave him out of the post altogether. Big ups to Geordi La Forge.

On the heels of introducing Geordi, I think it's fitting to also throw the spotlight on Data and his encounter with a random old man on the ship (ok, he's an Admiral - not so random - but he is only visiting). It is here that the episode breaches the subject of Vulcan vs. Android. It hasn't yet been established what Data exactly is, though he has the logical reasoning of the Vulcan species, without the pointy ears.

I think the old man said it best, "I don't see no points on your ears, boy, but you sound like a Vulcan!"



To which Data responds, "No, sir. I am an Android."



Touching moments, people, touching moments.

Oh, right: the storyline. So far we have Q threatening the Enterprise with a "test" to pass if they want to live. They don't exactly know what this test is, or when it will come, but it's out there. Riker is also suspicious about the Farpoint Space Station, as there were some strange occurrences that happened when he was there. Also, it seems that Riker and Deanna Troi have a love history, as evidenced by these steamy looks when they first see each other on the Enterprise:



OUCH! The chemistry is HOT people.

I'd like DT a lot more if she would choose an accent and stick with it. In one scene she sounds British, the next it's Greek, then Puerto Rican. Is this possible in the future?

The crew has now remembered that they are on a mission to 1) be on their toes for a test from Q, and 2) inspect the Farpoint Station for anything strange. The latter is exactly what they do. Everyone but JLP heads down to Farpoint to inspect these mysterious happenings Riker keeps raving about. They are looking around in tunnels, underground, and Jordy realizes that the foundation of said station is nothing he's ever encountered. How does he know this? His eyeheadband has super powers and he can see the microscopic composition of matter. I'm not joking - this is all explained in the episode.

The plot thickens.

Also, Q returns to shake things up. He still looks like Maleficent:



He just wanted to pop in to remind JLP that he is being tested, don't forget.

Just when Q reminds JLP of this test, another ship enters the area of the Enterprise. It then starts shooting it's giant lasers at the surrounding villages of the Farpoint Station. May I remind you that the crew is still down there exploring? There are rocks falling, dust is pluming, people are dying - it is chaos! Well, as close to chaos as you can get granted they are probably filming this on soundstage in Burbank.

Riker and Data get knocked down by falling buildings.....



.....but not a problem for Data, he sits up like he's doing mat exercises in yoga:



Data really is the comic relief of the show. Which is ironic, because he is an Android and doesn't understand how to make jokes. This show is DEEP!

I have to remind everyone at this point that this episode was 82 minutes long. I am devoted to breaking down the complexities of TNG, such as: Why does Wesley wear a Cosby Sweater in the future? Why don't we have holodeck's yet? Is this really supposed to only be the year 2072? Since this is an 82 minute long episode, this is an 82 minute blog post - meaning, it's long and full of breaks where I talk about nothing related to the plot.



Worf's head really is enormous.

Are you ready for the mystery of Q/"The Test" and Farpoint Station/"Riker's Suspicion" to be solved? IT'S GOING TO BLOW. YOUR. MIND.

As it turns out, the large ship destroying the village surrounding Farpoint Station was an ACTUAL LIVING BEING THAT COULD SHIFT IT'S ENERGY INTO MATTER. If that doesn't make you want to stop reading, let me give you some more SAT worthy mind games: It's "mate" was THE ACTUAL FARPOINT STATION BEING HELD CAPTIVE AND FORCED TO MORPH ITSELF INTO THE SHAPE OF SAID FARPOINT STATION.

Q's test and Riker's Suspicion about Farpoint Station were one and the same! The crew of the Enterprise solved the test, set the "mate" free from taking shape as Farpoint Station, and said mate returned to it's other mate aka the ship in the sky.

I was touched by the random love story between these two non-beings. Let me touch you with the pictures of the moving reunion:

1) The mates are seeing each other for the first time after Captive Mate was set free:


2) The mates say, "Is that really you? I need.....to touch you......feel you......":


3) Mates then touch/feel/love on each other using their shoelace tenticles:


4) Mates float off into space, wondering what to eat for dinner that night:


Is it just me or did this episode just go "Abyss" on us for about 8 minutes?

DT and her butt cheeks are so giddy over this reunion that she nearly splits her face wide open smiling so much:



Q, my secret lover, was impressed by this turn of events. Though, not too impressed because he left by informing JLP that he cannot promise never to appear again....

I wait with open arms, Q.

THE END

CUE LOUD TNG THEME MUSIC.

And a special thanks to Babs Subramanian for not only being the Second Assistant Director (S.A.D. for short - am I right?), but also for having the best name ever.



More posts to come - there is always more to say about TNG!